Oh come all Ye grieving

Here we are in the midst of the Christmas season and I am yet to sign one card or buy a gift for anyone – INCLUDING MYSELF!

My mind is rapt with thoughts of death instead of celebrating the birth of Christ.

This year is so full of death and I have realized I don’t handle it very well. Maybe I’ve seen too much of it. I don’t think I’m scared of it but something about death makes me wonder what the hell I’m doing with the time given me.

My friend Suzy’s mother died last week. I’ve talked to her a few times, sent a couple of e-mails, and read a few e-mails from her. I think about her often and in the midst of the everyday, I think of her and lift up a prayer. I even have notes to myself reminding me to call her – but something else always takes the place of that call – like a nap or roaming around my list of favorite Internet places. I want to talk to her so much to remind her of how much I love her although I know she is fully aware of my affection.

So, what’s wrong with me?

I wish I had a scriptwriter and the right background music so my words would not seem trite. A scenery and lighting director would be great too. And while we are talking about it, clothes – costume and make-up experts to cover my flaws and pimples. Maybe that would work. Maybe then I’ll be able to tell her I love her in the hard times as well as the laugh so hard we almost pee our pants times. Would she understand if I just hand her a cold beer and sat in silence? What do you say to the grieving when your heart is grieving too? God, I need someone to help me with words for my expert listening noises feel so lame!

(c) 2004 wrosesongs