-Tomorrow

Tomorrow
12/15/2004

Tomorrow, I return to work after being on medical leave for 4 weeks. No one told me to mourn the peace. No one told me about the anxiety I can feel building up inside of me as I think about tomorrow. I like the people, the work and really am thankful I have a job to go back to. But what is that ‘thing’ inside of me.

I feel a bit of sadness that my days will begin and end on someone else’s schedule. That sleep and sweet dreams will have to wait. That sitting still and listening to the rain fall on my patio will not have a chance to be enjoyed. That friendships broadened during this time will once again be laid in the “once I get enough energy for you pile”.

I’m afraid that love found will be lost again. Afraid that the ME I have come to know will once again become a stranger.

That’s it – tomorrow is a feeling fear. I am afraid of tomorrow because it has now become the unknown.


© 2004 wrosesongs
All rights reserved

SMILE

Smile
11/3/2004

You get used to it, I told her. You get used to it and expect it when your skin is far from fair.

Each new place studied with suspicion. Each introduction clothed in wonder.

I told her it’s an everyday occurrence living in this shell…

Hahaha, you hear.

Yes, Massa, you hear

"You playing Negro again?"

Hahaha, you hear as you walk around the corner to the look of guilt on the trespasser’s face.

Each new choice neurotically calculated.
Each hello measured and analyzed.
Each step watched.

You get used to it.
You get used to hearing every sound.

You get used to hearing…

You get used to it and smile…

And smile…

And


smile…

zss

©2004 wrosesongs
All Rights Reserved
november 3, 2004