About David

R. I. P. - 7/30/1959 - 1/22/2009

Over the years, I have learned that the best way to learn is by listening.

Meet HTB Dave:

Better to Know you:

And More

Did I tell you:

Abt Dave:

In His Words

I Say

History:

Here’s Dave

** Dave’s site: I so hope someone keeps this going.

http://www.daverohman.com/page10.html

http://www.daverohman.com/index.html

http://www.daverohman.com/media/

His Humor:

To Bill:

Just Cracks me up:

Response to Bruce abt his now famous cookies:

Bruce: “Are you callin me "trans fat"? Or Drew?”

…

David: “You're not "trans fat", just big boned.”

TV:

Love the Madisa comment

Music:

Dream OTR Set List:

Fave Things:

Vienna: Vienna Tang…errrr Teng;

Favorite OTR Lyrics:

Favorite Things:

Songs:

Favorites:

Writing:

Hunter:

Cookie Math:

Divide and Conquer

******Dave’s Chords (Ummmm…Trudes) :

His Heart(s):

His beloved (s):

Love:

Elly’s Axl Rose:

Elly:

Shadow:

(Elly believes Shadow was waiting to welcome David…I agree)

My Fave about How he and Elly met:

Mini Reviews:

Number 1

Another

Orchard and Apples:

Taft 2004 Queeny Apples:

Making Freddie Happy

Steve and Michelle:

Take on an Orchard Gathering (w/Karin in tow):

The Nap:

On Kylie’s time issues:

Tickets…what we need is tickets:

Teacher:

Learning the Guitar:

Guitar:

@@@@ What makes a gentleman not so gentle:

*

*

Thanks for the memories

Impressed

This concept just amazes the heck out of me. It shows just what an amazing machine the brain is.

It looks weird...but believe it or not, you can read it.


I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl ms es and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh?

Barack Obama Victory Plates

I remember being at my Great Aunt's house when I was a kid and seeing her JFK and MLK commemorative plates displayed on the wall above her piano. At that time, I thought it was kind of weird, nut now, as an adult living ina time of great change, I think I am starting to 'get it'.

Running across these Barack Obama Commemorative Plates while searching for sometime totally unrelated, makes me think fondly of my Aunt.

Peace,
zss





PS - if you are so inclined, the order tab does work.

Personal Financial Management System

Ran across this information tonight and I must say, it just seems so logical and timely in today's financial climate.

just saying...

In The News- Or I'm so embarrassed by my state...

Barack Obama cited for codes violation in Memphis MEMPHIS, TN (WMC-TV) - While he prepares for his January inauguration, President-elect Barack Obama has a problem to deal with: he's been cited by Shelby County Code Enforcement, after a supporter put a campaign sign too close to a street. Attorney Jay Bailey said he thought it was a joke as he was sitting in Environmental Court on an unrelated case, when he heard the judge call out Barack Obama's name. When he realized it wasn't a joke, he agreed to take the case on behalf of Obama, to keep the judge from putting out a bench warrant on the President-elect. Bailey signed the docket on Obama's behalf, and immediately contacted the Secret Service for their guidance. Court documents show a Memphis City Code Enforcement officer cited Obama for illegal posting of signs on election day. Bailey said campaign workers told him the code enforcement officer had more than 100 Obama signs in his truck when he served the citation election day on Park Avenue. "I've seen some pretty wild things occur here in Memphis politics, but nothing as bizarre as a code enforcement agent citing a soon to be President of the United States for putting out illegal campaign signs," he said. Bailey, who is in contact with Obama's transition team in Chicago, pointed out that Obama did not have an official campaign presence in Memphis, where the Democratic Party campaigned on his behalf.

Vote 2008

Sen. Barack Obama is now President Elect Barack Obama. What a moment in history to witness.

Congratulations President Elect to you and your family. Now the real work begins.

Peace,
zss

Politics of Religion

11/03/2008

Every now and then, I am confronted with a notion that I find so umm, interesting that it sticks with me. A message posted on the marquee of a church I drive past during my route to work fits into that category. It reads: “JOIN US IN PRAYNG DAILY FOR A PRESIDENT WHO WILL TURN US BACK TO GOD.” Ok, if I remember correctly from the presidential campaign that originally put Bush Jr. in office, this was supposed to be his job. According to the political right, Bushy was everything they were looking for in a Political Messiah. His appointment was supposed to heal our nation from the “moral darkness that was the Clinton era”. He was, according to the right, God’s man in Washington. So what happened? Did the right hear wrong, or was God pulling a funny? Oh, or maybe it is proof that no man can heal something as broken as we are as people and as a nation.

People were looking for a redeemer here on earth and they got Prince George. Now in this election, voters are once again looking for a savior and casting the parties that do not line up closest to right as very near demonic. The name calling, misinformation, and negativity of this political season has been amusing, sad, and embarrassing. My friend Joyce recently said something humorous and wise by remarking that we need to remember that we are "voting for a president, not a pastor". I truly believe that is a very important distinction that King seekers on all political sides need to keep in mind.

I am not saying that people with a religious viewpoint should not involve themselves in the political process...no, not even close. What I am saying is that everyone should do their own research and not throw their vote at one issue or because the candidate goes to church, is a woman, or black. I personally believe that the one issue votes is what led us into the past 8 years and sadly, I have been hearing that same nonsense voting practice circulating again.

I once heard that doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results is the definition of insanity. I guess we really never learn or maybe the gods are truly crazy.

Peace,

zss

© 2008 Wrosesong

All Rights Reserved

Emptiness Becomes Openness

Awesome thought I just had to share from the DailyOM

Sometimes a Loss Can Be a Gain
October 8, 2008

When we lose anything that we cherish, the sense of emptiness we are left behind with can be overwhelming. A space that was filled, whether in our lives or our hearts, is now a void, and the feelings of pain, loss, and separation can sometimes be difficult to bear. While it is always important to honor what we've lost, sometimes a loss can also represent a chance for a new beginning. When we are ready, the void left by a relationship, a job, or a dream can then be viewed as open space that can be filled with something new: new experiences, new knowledge, new job opportunities, new dreams, new people, and new ways to grow.

There are many ways to weave the threads of loss into a blessing. If you've lost a job or ended a relationship, your first thoughts may revolve around filling the void with a similar job or the same kind of relationship. Try not to rush into anything just to fill up the emptiness. The loss of a job can free you up to explore new opportunities, especially if you've outgrown the old one. Likewise, the loss of a relationship can give you a chance to rediscover your own interests, explore new passions, and meet different people.

If seeking the good in what seems like a bad situation makes you feel uncomfortable, then try to remember that you are not devaluing what you've lost or replacing it cold-heartedly. You are surrendering to the fact that, in life, we sometimes have to let go and allow for what is new to enter into the open spaces created by our losses. In doing so, you are honoring what has left you and welcoming the new into your life with open space, an open mind, and an open heart.

Ellen and Portia - 08/16/2008

Congratulations!

They look so beautiful and happy!!!

Ellen Degeneres and Portia De Rossi Wed 08/16/2008

Karma

08/12/2008

He called me out of the blue.

He tracked down my number and called me.

He wanted to apologize for his bad thoughts and even worse talk. He wanted forgiveness for things I didn’t know about.

Or so he thought I didn't know.

He said he lost his job last year and has been struggling through the “no call back zone”.

He mentioned that the only Temp job that has contacted him in awhile has been to hand out hot dogs on a hot summer day.

He said he didn’t know that the struggle was so hard…he didn’t know that finding his rent was going to make him cry.

He didn’t know that the fight was so lonely.

So, he asked for forgiveness.

He said he hated me and my struggle when I was going through it.

I nodded my head because I had felt his heat.

He said he thought my troubles happened to me due to laziness, or at least some extreme personal shortcoming…nobody of sound mind and body could have that much tribulation and need…

His voice cracked as he held up a verbal hand begging me to grab hold of it.

And I did…because I always do…it’s what I do as I try not to think of karma.

© 2008 Wrosesongs

All Rights Reserved

zss

Personal Thoughts: 08/08/2008

Welcome to today. It's the beginning of your beginning. Follow your path!

peace,

z

WTF!

So, my company had a meeting today -- one of those oft canceled, oft postponed meeting in an overly cramped, overly hot room and this...is...what...we...heard from one of the big-wigs.

She: "Well, we have gone over the employee satisfaction surveys and noted that most of you are feeling frustrated that we have cut out extra hours and have increased your work loads a lot...increasing available hours goes against the company objective, so we have decided to take the next year to 18 months to discuss this...we know in these times, you all are just very happy to have a job, so we will talk about this for the next 12 - 18 months..."

I SHIT YOU NOT! THIS IS A QUOTE AND SHE SAW NOTHING WRONG WITH IT...

any wonder why I'm formulating my exit plan...?

no peace,
z

Cocoa Mulch - Warning for Pet Owners

Cocoa Mulch is manufactured by Hershey's, and they claim that 'It is true that studies have shown that 50% of the dogs that
eat Cocoa Mulch can suffer physical harm to a variety of degrees (depending on each individual dog). However, 98% of all dogs won't eat it.' True information about the mulch can be found here - http://www.snopes.com/critters/crusader/cocoa.htm. This site gives the following information: Cocoa Mulch, which is sold by Home Depot, Foreman's Garden Supply and other Garden supply stores, contains a lethal ingredient called 'Theobromine' . It is lethal to dogs and cats. It smells like chocolate and it really attracts dogs. They will ingest this stuff and die. Several deaths already occurred in the last 2-3 weeks. Just a word of caution, check what you are using in your gardens and be aware of what your gardeners are
using in your gardens.

Theobromine is the ingredient that is used to make all chocolate especially dark or baker's chocolate which is toxic to dogs. Cocoa bean shells contain potentially toxic quantities of theobromine, a xanthine compound similar in effects to caffeine and theophylline.. A dog that ingested a lethal quantity of garden mulch made from cacao bean shells developed severe convulsions and died 17 hours later. Analysis of the stomach contents and the ingested cacao bean shells revealed the presence of lethal amounts of theobromine.

Please email the manufacturer at: michellemessick@hersheys.com and request that accurate information about this product be posted on the packaging to avoid further tragedy. PLEASE GIVE THIS THE WIDEST DISTRIBUTION !!!

http://www.snopes.com/critters/crusader/cocoamulch.asp

CORNERSTONE BOUND

Time for another Cornerstone Music Festival Event. Really looking forward the music and people I have met over the years.

A few personal friends are involved in this year's fest, which makes it rather special.

Oh to pack -- i need to hire someone to pack and do last minute shopping for me.

Peace,
z

Oh sleep, where art thou?

June 4 2008

Occasionally, I face the daunting task of trying to trick my mind and body into feeling sleepy. I read, write, surf the net, dance, think, try not to think, clean…whatever I can think of that may tire my whole system only to hear the system send up a very vocal and articulate FUCK YOU!!!

It’s currently 2am on a “school night” and here I am hoping that if I go back to bed one more time, the sleep gods will meet me there. But, I’m also afraid that they have taken a trip to Antarctica or some such place with my rest secretly packed away in a dark corner of their carry-on luggage.

I want to find the hidden vial of sleep potion, I want to join the angels in sweet, peaceful slumber – to dream in innocence – to dream…but here I am bargaining with the universe for just a taste…another chance to bond with my pillows, to kiss the old day away in sweet R.E.M.

sleep well...

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Separation

04/29/2008

As humans and sexual beings, where does our personal identity begin and end in relation to our sexual identity?

The question appears because of a conversation a friend and I had recently in reaction to some acquaintances that identify with a very alternative sexual lifestyle. Normally we could care less -- well, as long as it’s not with an animal, no one is underage, unwilling, and no one gets hurt – all we ask is that everyone use protection.

What we have been batting back and forth is: what about those who appear to have no identity outside of whom they are fucking or who is fucking them?

When this situation presented itself, it was very affronting. It left a bad taste in our mouths the same way door-to-door evangelists and used car salesmen do. – It was wayyy too much – way too over the top – way too look at me.

Because of the manner that we were introduced, we cannot think of the other parties other than penis’ and vaginas – they are like walking and talking genitalia seeking a warm place to rest and let me tell you, that’s not the way I wish to think of others.

Among my friends and acquaintance, there is no one else that I consider in this way. My associates are straight, gay, bi, asexual, poly, conservative, liberal, promiscuous, reserved, and all the labels in between yet none present as only identified by their sexual orientation.

Maybe its voyeurism or low self-confidence that makes people not see themSELVES as separate from their chemistry?

Maybe it’s my desire to know the person as a whole. Being given only one part as an identifier for the rest leaves too large a hole unfilled.

Yeah, it got us talking but I’m not sure it’s in a good way.

Peace,

z

Question of the Day

Can we claim innocence if the work we do to pay the bills goes against our core values?

Quote to Remember

Sometimes, a quote reaches me that I want to hold on to. The following is such a one:

Hope begins in the dark, the stubborn hope that if you just show up and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come. You wait and watch and work: You don't give up.

Anne Lamott

Favorite Things...

...Introducing two separate groups of friends to one another and they hit it off as if they have known each other forever....priceless!

peace,
zss

Just a Question

1/26/2008

With all of the people who have come to the USA from other countries, why is it that only the Spanish speaking ones are allowed to go about their lives without learning American English?

Friends, some of whom have immigrated from other counties, other like me who learned English second, have been having conversations about this for a while –

We want to know, with all of the Sudanese, Italian, Japanese, Chinese, Korean, Mediterranean, German, Greek, etc people in this country, why the rest of us don’t get the option of pressing 2 for our native tongue when we utilize services?

Growing up, we were taught that it shows respect for a country and its people to at least have a working understanding of the native language. When we hear about ones who have been here for 20, 30, 40 years and need an interpreter, it feels like a slap in the face – so disrespectful.

Where is the number option for my language?

z

A Plea

My PLEA for all animal owners.

As a volunteer at one of the local animal shelters, every week, I am introduced to new additions to our community. Along with the strays and other animals whose stories we may never know, we are never without one who has been brought into our facility due to the owner’s death. These pets are sometimes left tied outside of the home they once shared, sometimes just let go by family members to run wild, and many times, taken to facilities to be put down because other family did not want them.

Being a witness to this has made it more clear in my heart and mind that we animal lovers need to make sure that we make provisions in writing for our pets so that they will be taken care of at the time of our death.

Please be sure to have at least two (2) people that you can count on to take care of your pets if something should happen to you. Be sure to have their names, telephone numbers and addresses on file so that your beloved four-legged companions will have a place to go and not be dumped like trash or killed like criminals. Also, have in writing your Vet’s name and contact information. Finally, give your Vet a copy of the names of your pet caretakers.

Thanks for reading and acting on this.

Peace,

zss

Choices

written: 12/25/2007


When is it time to say goodbye to the things one thinks she knows?

This is one of the questions that has nagged at me for a long time – for years. I have told others that I feel like I am stuck between two opinions. Now I realize that I was only scared for way too long to make a decision. One choice leads to a scary place unknown. The other, a scary place lived in.

I have been told for eons that if I make a choice for the unknown, I am making a decision for death, destruction, and eternal damnation.

If I make the decision to stay put, then I in turn make the choice for disappointment, disillusionment, and worldly damnation.

So how does one decide when a choice is really no choice?

As I wrote that last line, a verse from a Rush song came speeding into my head: “if you choose not to decide you still have made a choice…” that seems like the lazy mans approach to selection, does it not?

I’ve stayed in one option because it’s what I have come to know – It reminds me of the reason many abused women stay in their destructive relationships – although abusive, it’s security…it’s known.

We all like to be where we know. We like the comfort, the familiarity, the smells that remind us of something…even when we can’t put our fingers on that something – even when that something doesn’t have a name…even when that something is dangerous.

So what’s my choice? To scrap what I have been taught to “know” and walk away. Walk away from the God I have been taught and try to find the God of truth.

I have not believed in the Western idea of Christianity for a long time – but I did what I knew. I hoped to catch the fever somehow – like if I was around those infected I would get it – I would get the hand raising, tear streaked, Hallelujah chanting, smiley faced Jesus virus. But the more time I spent around these types, the less I believed in their brand of Jesus. The frenzy around God just felt all the more fake.

I DO NOT believe in the Jesus of the United States. The Ayrian, self-serving, suit wearing, puritanical, judgmental, diversity hating, Bible thumping, unforgiving prick of a Jesus! Yet most days, I do think of god as being a prick…but is that really who/what he is, or is it the essence of him given off by those who claim to represent him?

I do not believe in the White Church, African American Church, Korean Church, Youth Church, Gay Church, Spanish Church nor the Pentecostal, Baptist, Catholic, Episcopalian, Lutheran, Methodist, Seventh Day Adventist, Denominational, we are right you are wrong, Church Splitting Jesus.

Although none of us have the full story, I do believe in God – I do believe in Jesus – and I do believe that the devil is real – I also believe that the Devil looks a lot like the love child of George W. Bush and Jerry Falwell – but I digress.

I do have the give props where props are due…so I thank George W and his minions for pushing me to decide. I have been smothered with their Jesus for years. I see purple when I hear them speak “for” Jesus and when they swear that they are speaking for me as a believer.

What I’m looking for is authentic Jesus. I am on a mission for truth and I do not believe that true Truth can be found within the walls of a building or the church’s program of the month. I often wonder about the books and words voted out by committees and denominations from the censored bible I have been allowed to read. Only part of the part of the part of the story available is truly AVAILABLE.

I guess that means that I am on a pilgrimage. Maybe my agnosticism is really just me choking on the foul crap that I have been fed over the years – a rebuke of the American style of belief – an atheistic disbelief in Ameri-conservi-anglo-patrobertsonism.

It’s also that my real life experience with the god of the Western church looks nothing like the god of the White House, Christian radio, books, or religious programming. My sandals have worn out more times than I can count and my reed has been paralyzed, boil laden, and bed-ridden.

I have friends who are literalist, everything is black or white, if it’s not in their version of the bible, then it doesn’t exist or it going to be burnt up in the fire of the last days. Yeah, whatever, ish! They act so certain of their fear…but I ask, in light of what we do know, how can we truly know? As a friend once asked, “is faith really faith or merely an addiction to one thought?

Is faith an addiction? Is it merely fire insurance? Is the illogic of it logical?

As scary as it is, right now, my wavering choice is the God of truth – whatever that means…not the god of the Western Church. I truly do not know what that means as the first question for me is: What is truth? – not WHO is truth for the identification of Truth in the western bible is ones testimony about himself. I have seen the inconsistencies contained between the covers holding the allowed 66 books and choose not to try to explain them away as some seekers are very adapt at doing.

I choose to not turn a blind eye to the fact that there are questions and if this choice is sending me to hell, my hand basket will be decorated well with flowers, peace signs, and accented question marks.

zss

The Mickey Factor

Written: 11/20/2007

Tonight, I felt so festive as I secured a winged overnight pad into the crotch of my Mickey Mouse bikinis. How much like a woman – how much like a child.

Since I can remember, I have loved Mickey Mouse – something about those ears I think – it seems a bit randy to wear him on periodic first days. Like I’m getting away with something. Mickey knows my secret scents, and how I flow. He knows me beyond the Biblical interpretation of the word…we are one – he is the man!

I wear him on my wrist during the day. He has ticked off the seconds of my life for 17 years or more via a watch I bought for $10 worth of Birthday money at Walmart. A battery here, a new band there, annoyance to friends as they hear him beating the metronome of our times, and still he rides along each day upon my arm.

We are like covert lover stealing glances at one another throughout the day – especially when bored – mostly when tired. We know each other well. Like he is always early – I am usually late.

I know the sounds he makes and he know where to rest upon my flesh.

I mourn each battery change…mostly because I usually have a conversation that goes like this:

Me: “I need to buy a new battery for my watch:.

Walmart Clerk (WMC): “we can only change batteries in watches bought at Walmart”

Me: “I’m aware of that. I bought this at Walmart”

WMC: “we don’t carry that watch”

Me: “I bought it 17 or more years ago”

WMC: “WOW”…”REALLY”…”AND IT’S STILL RUNNING”

Me: “Yep”

WMC: “WOW”

…

Yeah, exciting conversation right??! But I have it every 1 ½ - 2 years. I don’t get annoyed as much as humored that people are so amazed that the watch has lived for so long – like my wing holding undies –

How does this relate you wonder…

Well my comfy undies are at least 15 years old. They still are secure in their elastic, fit well, and are without holes. They are normally reserved for nighttime sleeping after a long hot shower or bath and are like a dependable old friend that holds and hugs securely during cramped times. I call it the Mickey factor.

Mickey is the only thing these items have I common. Traveling with me through many years have been one watch and 4 pairs of underwear with varying winter scenes – Mickey behind a Christmas Tree, Mickey as a Snowman, Mickey in full cold weather gear, and a smiling Mickey mosaic.

Mickey has been to Rugby matches, concerts, Ballets, and Operas. He has accompanied me through moves, binges, loneliness, and breakdowns.

I wonder how long Mickey will be a part of my life’s adventures. My heart is scared for the day that a battery does not make him well, or the day that the elastic starts to pull away from it’s security. It’s a simple loss I dare not fathom. A Mickey less life is one that I don’t desire to live through for the Mickey Factor as brought me through with it’s TICKTickTick and it’s TOCKTockTock. Silence of the digital age may be just a little too much for my Mickey infused memories.

Peace,

zss

The Quilt **

9/1/2007

“Eddie made the quilt.” The news rushed around the bends and into the cervices of my neighborhood. Women shared the report in whispers and men, with knowing smirks, nodded to one another in passing -- seemingly untouched.

“Eddie made the quilt.” Resounded like a mantra throughout the streets. Music played, dances failed to cease, and children played without knowledge in the streets.

“Eddie made the quilt.” Was shared for days after the 6:00 news slowly panned to his name prominently displayed for the entire world to see.

“Eddie made the Quilt!” With heads bowed, tear streaked strangers looked on in silence as the blanket passed before them.

“Eddie made the Quilt!”

Yes, Eddie made the Damn Quilt!

Peace,
Zss

** http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Common_Threads:_Stories_from_the_Quilt

** http://www.aidsquilt.org/

V oices in the Night

10/14/2007


2am -- the disembodied voice penetrated the air and sound waves of my semi-darkened room. “Stick your hands out of the windows” came its command. “AHHH”, I thought, “I have finally crossed over into true madness. I had ventured into the Virginia Woolf kind of insanity…the voices in the air psychosis, conjoiling, demanding, and persistent. But then it struck me that I am neither rich enough nor talented enough to afford that kind of mania, so I willed myself fully conscious in order to investigate.

The two four-legged late night patrollers that I share my living space with where on high alert when I finally emerged from my room. They directed me to look outside toward the lights…the flashing blue lights. It was like an episode of cops. I watched amazed.

“Put your hands out of the window.” “Driver, turn off the car.”

“Put your hands out of the window!” “Driver, turn off the car!”

It was clear that the vehicle occupants were either stupid or deaf as these two commands were repeated a bunch more times.

Finally, the occupants of the stopped car seemed to realize that the officers were directing their request to them. Hands emerged and the engine was finally cut. Uniformed officers surrounded the car, guns drawn and high, as other cops assumed the role of extracting the stubborn occupants one-by-one from the now quiet sedan and escorted them to a place out of my line of vision.

Because it happened in front of my house, I am interested to know what was going on. Was it a traffic stop gone badly? I truly don’t think so since there were so many cops on site and from distant sounds, more were on the way.

Like most citizens, I selfishly think that stuff like this is supposed to happen on other streets, in front of other people’s houses, not mine. When I go to bed, that’s supposed to be it…my only excitement being which pillow will get to cradle my head and the sound of the fan softly humming in the background. The only scenes I am supposed to witness are those in the hazy world of dreams – not action heroes on patrol.

zss

Alphabet Words

10/13/2007



My emotions are not pretty – they do not tie up into nice little bows. They use words that encompass the entire alphabet. They express the life I have lived and the things I have seen.

I tried for many years to censor my experiences in order to make them more palatable for others. Now, it just seems like so much wasted energy. I can no longer afford to misuse energy in order to save others – even myself from unbeautiful truths.

Nakedness is where I am right now. Sometimes it is attractive – but often it is messy and hairy and sad. Sometime it even surprises me. But I cannot censor.

I am, at this late stage in life, finding how to express myself. I am learning that it’s ok to have opinions that may cause conflict. But conflict or not they are mine and it’s ok.

I’m learning that life IS full of the alphabet and changing damn to dingleberry, fuck to fork, or shit to sugar is still the same thing so either stay quiet or use the unbasteridized expression. Altering the terms in order to make others or even oneself feel safe and pure does neither because we all know the words so we feel in the blanks.

Life is full of the alphabet. People are full of the alphabet. Soon enough, make-up melts away from the covered blemishes. And god help fast if one is left mute when descriptive words are needed most.

I once heard a pastor say “Strong emotions call for strong words.” It was one of the best things I had ever been told because sometimes we go through strong seasons. Sometimes our reeds crack and YES, even break. Sometimes, the reeds are cut and stripped and aching for something more than sweet words and popular phrases. Sometimes the strong meeting strong is the only rope that keeps a drowning man above water. And sometimes other people’s rules about the alphabet do nothing more than to add one more control to a life that is learning slowly how to become untied.

So I use the alphabet – the entire alphabet --, which I realize does not make me safe. I feel my emotions, which are not always jovial or widely appealing. But I’m learning to breath like a baby learns to walk – gradual, stumbling, and more often than not, lacking grace.

zss

First thing in the Morning

The song "God Says Nothing Back" by the Wallflowers has been on my mind constantly for the last few days upon waking up. Maybe I will take some time this evening to study the lyrics and really listen to find the little things that are making it be there...

God Says Nothing Back

BY: The WallFlowers

Seems like the world's gone underground

Where no gods or heroes dare to go down

As teardrops from a hole in heaven come

Overhead like ravens dropping down like bombs

Through the morning's silver-frosted glow

God says nothing back but I told you so

I told you so

God bless the void of my day dreams

Head back in the snow making angel wings

As slow motion dancing lights at dawn

Sail beneath a burning yellow sun

I'm calling out from the deep ends of my bones

Time says nothing back but I told you so

I told you so

Still waters rising in my mind

Black and deep, smoke behind my eyes

Last night I could not sleep at all

I hallucinated that you were in my arms

To be in your heart I failed my own

Love says nothing back but I told you so,

I told you so

Still here reclimbing every rung

Someone saw something,

someone speak up

Back over the rotted bridge I cross

Open up these graves, let these bodies talk

Buried under leaves blood red and gold

Death says nothing back but I told you so,

I told you so

What Can I Say

I found out that my birth father died last weekend. Hearing this news has taken me in a lot of strange memories and 'stuff'...The hardest has not been about this passing since he has in a sense been dead my entire life... the hardest part has been people's expectations of my reaction even those who know the intimate details of life with this man.

Following is a portion of an email I sent to a friend yesterday...

So far, I have figured that there is no real way to mourn a man who was so indifferent to his life and the lives of those around him. So, maybe soon I can stop feeling guilty for not feeling what society tells me that I should…

... to remain human, I can mourn what never was, the childhood lost, and the relationship that never was, learn to vanquish the rising “sick” memories that notice of his death have conjured up, and free myself from what I think I should do and feel.

I do hope that he found peace somehow in his final hours.

Peace,

z

July 2, 2007

July 2, 2007

Got back from the fest late Sunday. Will write about it later – need to take a nap and then meet up for supper with my friend Bruce who is in town from Cincinnati.

Tomorrow (Tuesday), David comes back through town. He is staying overnight here. We had a great time road tripping. Nice to be with people one does not have to watch everything word and expression with. YIPPPEEE!

Thursday, my friend Sarah is to be in town. Ummmmm…maybe sometime before then, I can find a moment to put my camping stuff away.

Amazed at how much I missed my cats while I was away. I really dig those spoiled little felines.

Peace,
z

June 25 2007

Wow! It’s here already and David is on his way. My stuff is stacked up in a portion of my front room. Hope I have everything. We are driving through the night – seems to be the way to go. J

I go through this apprehensive excitement each year. Don’t ask why, it just is what it is what it is.

Can’t wait to get onto the stinky, hot and humid, straw smelling, LOUD, former farm. Excited about the familiar and all of those awesome hugs.

Peace,
z

June 15 2007

June 15 2007

Ahhh…I leave for my annual pilgrimage to Bushnell, IL in 10 days and I am yet to check my tent for repairs or make my to go list.

Working Press this year. YIPPPEEEEE!!!! I started thinking about the fest and the times that I have attended. Along with taking [teen] people with me in the past, I have worked as a volunteer in some capacity for at least 10 of the 14 trips.

I have loved all of my travels to Cornerstone Fest but I would have to say that the ones that I have worked have been the most memorable – the ones I have received the most blessing from.

This year, I am riding up with my friend David with whom I have never spent a lot of alone time with so my inner stress mama is starting to raise her sick little head. Praying that goes well – spending 8-9 hours in a car headed for one of the Plains states…EKKKKKK!

One part of the fest I am excited about is a 15 yo boy who is coming for the first time. I pray that he gets soooo blessed AND that he feels safe with us.

Ok time for bed.

Peace,
z

June 7, 2007

Well, a month in and my original job assessments have been verified. Sometimes I love being right – others times I hate it.

S = Still proves to be obsessed with her own ass and will lie and cheat to keep worshipping it. As much as parts of me would love to run her down in the parking lot, a much better part just feels sorry for her. I want to cuss her out but a quiet voice inside insist that I keep silent.

The “Twink” has left for another team in the company.

B = left for another job within the company umbrella.

F = continues to be a little dynamo.

W = still very knowledgeable.

As for all else, I still like my job – still getting used to the new systems and personalities, trying to establish my routine, and love that I can take a short walk in the midst of the day.

Peace,
Z

May 15, 2007

May 15, 2007

Excited about my job. Thank goodness!!! Along with leaning a whole new system, I have, as all kids to a new sandbox, been checking out the Team.

S = Is the person put in charge of training me. So far I have learned about her family, her mothers favorite color, who her friends are, who she likes and dislikes… but not much about the job. She has told me many times that her first priority is to make sure she covers her ass…her first priority is “HER”. Needless to say, I neither trust her or her ass.

W = Quiet but knowledgeable. Can see her moving up in the management core of the company in a few years – that is as she learns to relate to others. Think she would be a great trainer in the meantime – it would also give her an opportunity to learn more about how to relate to others.

F = Small dynamo. I don’t think she knows how much she knows. – Her daughter is due to have a baby soon. I’m so excited for her.

C = he is known as the “irritating twink”. It’s not a gay slur (even though he is gay) but because of HIM!!! He is so busy being in others lives and not with his work. He spends so much of his time wondering what others are doing and are being shown…then complains about not being able to get his work done…”go the “f” away…!!!!!!”

B = Sweet lady. Seems so frustrated. I think she is the newest to the team above me. Seriously, I feel her frustration stems from “C” always hanging over her cube wall telling her things abt the job in complete difference to what she has been taught. Feel she will not stay in the position for too long. SAD!

M = My manager. I’ve worked with him before. He is the same person I remember. He remains very knowledgeable about the job. Wish he was the one training me…know that he/we not only play well together -- we work well together too. In some ways, I feel that “S” feels threatened by the knowledge “M” and I have about one another. Based upon her voiced “personal ethic” I do keep this in mind.

G = The overseer (should I use that word). Wears Hawaiian shirts everyday. If he were ever to change, I don’t know what I would do. J Haven’t had much interaction with him yet but from what I have had, feel that he is both knowledgeable and fair…or…equally unfair.

These are first thoughts. As I am pretty untrusting as a whole, I feel that “S” has proven to be a person to watch out for. Wish I didn’t feel that way, but life is life…and as my friends Janelle and Kimmie have said a couple of times: “[I] see things that others miss…” sometimes I think this is cool…. most times I’m not so sure.

Peace,
zss

MAY 7, 2007

I started my job today. WOW! What a change. I’m excited. Ready for something real. Ready for BENEFITS. J

Peace,
zss

May 3, 2007

Today I returned home. I’m a bit scared…this is a BIG step. Can one really ever go home again?

Peace,
zss

Quote of the Day

"Sooner or later you just figure out there are some guys who don’t believe in God and they can prove He doesn't exist, and there are some other guys who do believe in God and they can prove He does exist, and the argument stopped being about God a long time ago and now it’s about who is smarter, and honestly I don’t care." - Doanld Miller - Blue Like Jazz, pg.103

Today's Mood

Cautiously optimistic

On Being

3/29/2007

I love the Gay men in my life – not in an “I wish they were not Gay...” or in the “If only they would embrace my magic vagina cure then we can live happily ever throughout eternity…” kind of way – but rather in a way way.

I love that we can mostly relax rather than trying to be. I don’t have to pick out poses and phases that make me woman to their poses and manly phrases – we just are.

Generally, we share a dislike for George W. Bush – and we can talk about it – or if we just need to vent about him, we do not meet each other with tsk, tsk, tsk for failing to support him and his failed policies.

I will never understand what it means to be gay – male or female – but I love the stories.

Preston tells of his parents attempt to get him healed. As it goes, when he disclosed himself to his parents they sought counseling for him. The cure the therapist suggested during his sessions was for Preston to enter into a private room stocked with pornographic magazines and beat off until the cum fairy relieved him of his disease. He, of course thought it funny that his upper middle-class conservative parents thought it preferable to view pornography and stroke his self on their dollar than to be sucked off by his guy pal – but what the hell, he was chaffed and happy.

Jeff, a former summer co-worker…a high school teacher during the school year, is a man that one instantly assumes is gay – no doubt, no question, nothing – yet he was always shocked that people picked up on it immediately. It became one of the biggest jokes of our working relationship. He was sure that none of his students nor his co-workers at the high school knew he was gay EVENTHOUGH he took is very butch boyfriend – err, roommate of 10 years – or his mother to every school and faculty function that he attended. We could make each other laugh with just a look – he was awesome – I loved laughing with him – it was nice just being…

I like just being.

I like not having to worry if I’m pretty enough.

I like that my certain brand of insanity is ok and good enough.

I love that I do not have to be lady-like and dot my conversation with cute phrases or wear the right panties – or pretend.

The only thing I really wish sometimes is that Straight men were more like Gay men – well, without the boy on boy sex action.

Peace,

zss

I Guess It's Really True

I'm going straight to hell even without being allowed to pick out a lovely hand basket for the trip.

On the way home from work today, I was behind a car that had a bumper sticker proudly displayed which stated: "THE KING JAMES BIBLE...THE ONLY TRUE AND LIVING WORD OF GOD"

Yes boys and girls, I think I threw up a little in traffic.

Geeezzzz, I seriously feel sorry for that person.

Peace,
zss

Today

How often do you feel like giving the fuck up??????????????

Things I've Learned and am Learning

Since my birthday last week, I have found myself reflecting on some of the things I have been learning in this life's journey:

• The taste of tears does not last forever.
• There is possibly a song to match every situation and emotion.
• Those who do not suffer an offense usually do not recognize it when it happens to others.
• Friends come in all shapes, sizes, and colors.
• If wise, we will continue learning until we die.
• Sadly, the truth is not always what matters most.
• Sometimes good enough is best.
• #1 is sometimes attained by shifty means, don’t do it.
• Fried tofu is awesome.
• It is best to surround yourself with people smarter and wiser than you think you are.
• I will never be the "pretty girl" but heart is better than that which fades.
• Be proud of my quirkiness and do not feel the need to apologize for it.
• Some people will never "get" me.
• Much of life and relationships will probably remind me of high-school life and relationships until the day I die.
• Life is best lived with others and animals.
• Books hold...
• Good coffee, a well-blended margarita, and well fitting lingerie are as close to heaven as earth gets.
• Do not be guided by expectations.
• Some people will always lie.
• Time does not heal all wounds.
• In some cases, having the right words to say is not as important as having great listening responses.
• A love that has to be bought is not worth having.
• Expect unexpected joy.
• Be free to laugh, be free to cry.
• Joy is to be shared.
• Pain should not be covered up.
• Manners never go out of style.
• It is good to share a need unless that is the only time others are contacted.
• No one is too busy to share love and good manners.
• Share love and hugs freely but resist letting them be whored by others.

there's more...for a later time.

peace,
zss

All We Need Is Love – Right?

3/9/2007


Funny things I hear during my daily travels remind me that not everyone “gets it” – whatever IT happens to be.

What I’ve heard a lot lately is this sentence: “Man, I wish the world were like it was in the 1800’s (1920’s, 1950’s, 1960’s, and 1970’s) when things were much simpler, don’t you?”

FUCK NO!!!

Things are not perfect now and will not even start to be perfect until man decides he is not “THE MAN” but hell no do I want to go back.

I live in non-pink skin. Any DAY other than TODAY is not a DAY I wish to “go back” to. The good old days were not so good to a great number of us. I strive for tomorrow while tipping my hat toward those whom came before me…those who died to make it possible that I might live.

I live in a city that played a goodly role in the Underground Slave Movement, yet in 2007, remains one of the most racially divided, segregated communities I have ever lived in – and this from a Southerner!

We have come far but not far enough.

Non black (brown, yellow, red) friends have been stunned to learn that as close as the 1970’s, people were brought to “justice” for the crime of marrying interracially.

We have not come far.

Churches are still regarded as the Black church, White Church, Korean Service…

We are still divided.

Churches are still being bombed and set on fire.

We have not learned.

People are killing each other in the streets.

We have not become wiser.

Black, brown and yellow babies are offer at discount from adoption agencies because nobody wants them.

We are not remembering the dream.

Service communities are refusing to serve anyone who does not speak fluent American English.

We are not inclusive (more on this in another post)

Communities are drawn among racial lines.

Yeah, not everyone has a fair chance.

Joe Biden speaks…

Enough said!

Peace,
zss

© 2007 Wosesongs

Death

Does Death have a name – like Bill, or John, or Jane?

Or does it exist with a title like Master, Servant, or God?

Will we greet each other by name when at last we meet, or just tip our heads in each other’s directions too busy, or important to truly speak?

Is Death aware of its power? Is it aware of the romance associated with its function?

Does it cry because of the fear and misconceptions that are associated with it?

Does it grieve when it comes for babies, young children, kittens, or adults who have dedicated their lives to good?

Does it sneer that so many full of evil know how to slip its grip?

If I were to invite Death out for a movie and drink, what would it order?

Does Death have a favorite sports team? Wear boxers, briefs, or go commando?

Does Death have a list of those it can’t wait to see like Capone, Hitler, or McVey?

What does it believe about itself?

Would Death be offended if I called it Bob?

Peace,
zss

© 2007 Wrosesongs

To Blog Perchance to Sleep

3/5/2007

I write a Blog entry in my head almost every night while I’m waiting for sleep to come sooth me away into it’s unknown land. Because of this, I used to keep a spiral notebook on top of my headboard thinking, “you gotta catch those thoughts while they are fresh.” But me being me, once I get snug into bed, and able to get the smallest cat to stop chasing my feet and the oldest cat settled down after trying out 15 different bed locations, the last thing I want to do is upset the madness. So I continue writing elegant prose and mind altering poems in the stillness of the night.

At least it all sounds pretty damn brilliant when I am between wakefulness and blessed sound sleep. At least my cats sometimes stop licking themselves long enough to acknowledge that they are present as the great American Blog is being created in my mind and into the air.

I refuse to acknowledge that the things produced in sleep may be total horseshit. I choose to think that dreams are the pathway to hope and hope is the exit before Divine realization. Surely that noble exit is not blocked. Surely the dresser and lamps are impressed. Surely the most influential writer’s award for sleep induced Blogging has been lovingly packed and placed in the mail on it’s way to me. I see it! I see it eloquently addressed in care of the keeper of my fantasies.

So, with this in mind, I will rest another day with brilliantly slurred and garbled words accompanying me into deep, poetic slumber.

I can dream, can’t I?

Peace,
zss

© 2007 Wrosesongs

Addict

I fear that I have become an addict of the new show Hereos.

Peace,
z

Question of Sexuality - 2

I had this posted elsewhere but the fuvk was hi-jacked out of it -- so i'm moving the topic here.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

by now, i assume that most people here have heard the on-going saga regarding ted haggard, former pastor of new life church in colorado.


let's forget, for a moment, that haggard is a pastor and just regard him an everyman -- his story is just used as one of the examples.

IS SEXUALITY UP FOR EACH PERSON TO PERSONALLY DEFINE?

1. although he has had male-to-male sexual encounters, his alleged partner states it was a three year relationship, haggard defines himself as "totally heterosexual"
2. there is a large group of men who are known as "DOWN-LOW" who enjoy sex (and seek out sex) with other men on a regular basis, yet consider themselves heterosexual.
3. one of my female acquaintances in the original conversations has had a number of sexual relationships with women, yet consider herself neither bisexual nor homosexual.

• are these people in denial?
• is sexuality up for personal definition even if evidence suggest something other than the person's idea of himself?
• generally, the men who consider themselves down-low also do not feel that they need to disclose their 'other life' to their heterosexual partners because "they do not want to me labeled or judged as anything other than heterosexual" --[yes, i believe this to be very irresponsible behavior].

please, shed some light.

what the heck is going on?

am i wrong to believe that if a person seeks out same sex relationship that the person is either homosexual or bi-sexual?

when did it get so confusing?

comments???

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Huh?

Why do Americans act so shocked and disgusted when American Troops are killed in Iraq?

Thinking outloud, again,
zss

Latter Days

I placed the lyrics of one of my favorite songs: Latter Days by Over the Rhine, a couple of post down hoping to spur conversation.

Occasionally, the highlighted portion grips my attention so that I am forced to reflect upon it: "

Lord knows we've learned the hard way all about healthy apathy."

I spoke with my friend Amanda about the lyric this past week since she too is familiar with the band and it's music.

SO i pose the question: CAN APATHY TRULY BE HEALTHY?

I have not been able to move off of this thought:

If the opposite of love is indifference or apathy, can there truly be such a thing as Health Apathy"? Isn't claiming that thought a sort of denial to the effects of apathy or even a sort of murder?

Thinking out loud and hoping for comments.

Peace,
z

skool

the more i listen to old skool and no skool music, the more contemporary music depresses me.

geez -- people are still discoverng:
stevie wonder
billie holiday
sarah vaughan
wilson picket
nancy wilson
dionne warwick
the gap band
sam cooke
the staple singers
shirley bassey
van morrison
the who
led zepplin
nina simone
commodores
prince
...and others in these classes

who do peeps have to pick from today:
brittney spears?
justine timberlake?
pussycat dolls?

i sometimes feel sorry for the music of today and for those who listen to it.

will today's music be pined for 30-40 years from now? does it have life?

ekkk --

(this rant brought to you by a question -- a question from someone only 3 years younger than me who has never ventured past lead categories of their local record store...)

sigh!!!!!

Latter Days

Latter Days
words and music: Detweiler
recording: Good Dog Bad Dog

What a beautiful piece of heartache this has all turned out to be.
Lord knows we've learned the hard way all about healthy apathy.
And I use these words pretty loosely.
There's so much more to life than words.

There is a me you would not recognize, dear. Call it the shadow of myself.
And if the music starts before I get there dance without me. You dance so gracefully.
I really think I'll be o.k. They've taken their toll these latter days.

Nothin' like sleepin' on a bed of nails. Nothin' much here but our broken dreams.
Ah, but baby if all else fails, nothin' is ever quite what it seems.
And I'm dyin' inside to leave you with more than just cliches.

There is a me you would not recognize, dear. Call it the shadow of myself.
And if the music starts before I get there dance without me. You dance so gracefully.
I really think I'll be o.k. They've taken their toll these latter days.

But tell them it's real. Tell them it's really real.
I just don't have much left to say.
They've taken their toll these latter days.
They've taken their toll these latter days.

Into the Mire

zss